Thursday, December 07, 2006
Prisoner
know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?
"OK, sweetheart. Putting it simple, we will call your private place
'the prison' and my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put
the prisoner in the prison."
And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying
face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, the bride
giggles, "Honey the prisoner has escaped".
Turning on his side, he smiles "Then all we have to do is re- imprison
him". After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his
cigarettes but the bride, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of
making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner escaped
again!" The man rises to the occasion, but with unsteady legs of a
recently born foal. Afterwards he lays on his back totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, sorry to bother you, but the prisoner
is out again".
Turning his head, he YELLS at her, "Hey, it's not a life sentence,
OKAY!"
Senior Moments 6
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long
time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and
thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
Senior Moments 5
bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me
every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh
fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite
brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon."
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my
favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
Senior Moments 4
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket
out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They
hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is
actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers
are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the
door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"
Senior Moments 3
standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came
up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and
couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with
the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the
bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her
butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000, please advise."
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
Senior moments 2
the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned
and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea,
not gonorrhea."
Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of
course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better
for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big
shit he always was. "
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Senior Moment 1
somewhere just in case ....ummmmmm but then you may forget where you
kept it.
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a
restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's
ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in
your left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out
and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.
Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Chinese Courier Service!
A family in the Southern Province of China, were puzzled
when the coffin of their dead grandmother arrived from the States.
It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was so tightly
squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it! When they
opened the lid, they found a letter on top; which read as follows:
Dear Cousins,
I am sending Ahma body to you since it was her
wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our
ancestral home in Tung Shin. Sorry, I could not come
along as all of my paid leaves are consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ahma's
body, 12 cans of Yohmeitsu, 10 packets of Swiss
chocolates! and packets of Chinatown Lap Cheong.
Please divide these among all of you.
On Ahma's feet you will find a new pair of Nike
Air shoes (size 10) for Ah boy. Also, there are
2 pairs of shoes for Ah Mei's and Ah Lien's sons.
Hope the sizes are correct.
Ahma is wearing 6 CK T-Shirts. The large size
is for Ah Bak and the others are for my nephews.
Just distribute them among yourselves.
The 2 new Armani Jeans that Ahma is wearing are
for the boys. The Rolex watch that Lee Ah Bai
wanted is on Ahma's left wrist.
Kiasu Aunty
Tiffany necklace, earrings and ring that you asked
for. Please take them.
The 6 white Polo cotton socks that Ahma is
wearing must be divided among my teenage cousins.
Let me know what else you need as Ah Kong is also
not keeping well nowadays. I can send all required
things when our Ah Kong goes back too............
