Friday, January 05, 2007
Can you read these right the first time?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Initiative
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important
document,and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside
the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
Moral of the story:
NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important
document,and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside
the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
Moral of the story:
NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING
Assholes
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in
charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach.... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs.......... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes.......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole......I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 -- Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief.
Day 2 -- Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly.
Day 3 -- Legs gotcramps and became unstable.
Day 4 -- Eyes became watery and vision became blurred.
Day 5 -- Blood became toxic and poisoned the body.
Day 6 -- The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
Moral of the story:
NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL
FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE
charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach.... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs.......... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes.......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole......I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 -- Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief.
Day 2 -- Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly.
Day 3 -- Legs gotcramps and became unstable.
Day 4 -- Eyes became watery and vision became blurred.
Day 5 -- Blood became toxic and poisoned the body.
Day 6 -- The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
Moral of the story:
NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL
FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE
Monday, January 01, 2007
Punctuation is Powerful
All,
An English Professor wrote the words:-
"A Women without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All the males in the class wrote:-
"A Women, without her man, is nothing"
All the females in the class wrote:-
"A Women: without her, man is nothing."
An English Professor wrote the words:-
"A Women without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All the males in the class wrote:-
"A Women, without her man, is nothing"
All the females in the class wrote:-
"A Women: without her, man is nothing."
