Jokes : Software : Robots : eBooks : Gadgets

These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service!

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. Will ladies giving milk, please come early.

Wednesday the Ladies Literary Society will meet. Mrs. Johns will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the Pastor.

Thursday at 5 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers will please meet the Minister in his study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jackson to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpeting. All wishing to do something on the carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year
old woman was the talk of
the town. After being married a year, the couple
went to the hospital for
the birth of their first child.

The attending nurse came out of the delivery room
to congratulate the old
gentleman and said, "This is amazing. How do you do
it at your age?" The
old man grinned and said, "You got to keep the old
motor running."

The following year, the couple returned to the
hospital for the birth of
their second child. The same nurse was attending
this delivery and again
went out to congratulate the old gentleman.

She said, "Sir, you are something else. How do you
do it?" The old man
grinned and said, "You gotta keep the old motor
running."

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital
for the birth of their
third child. The same nurse was there for this
birth and after the delivery
she approached the old gentleman, smiling, and
said, "Well, you surely are
something else. How do you do it?" The old man
replied, "It's like I've
told you before, you gotta keep the old motor
running."

The nurse, still smiling, said to the old
gentleman, "Well, I guess it's
time to change the oil. This one's black."