Wednesday, February 14, 2007
MARRY BY ALL MEANS
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Sick Leave
I needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to
take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me
to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made
funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told
her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I
was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her"...And where do
you think you're going?"
(You're gonna love this.....)
She said, ****
"I'm going home too. I can't work in the DARK !"
take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me
to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made
funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told
her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I
was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her"...And where do
you think you're going?"
(You're gonna love this.....)
She said, ****
"I'm going home too. I can't work in the DARK !"
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Five Rules For A Happy Life:
Five Rules For A Happy Life:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from
time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman whom you can trust and who doesn't lie.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to
be with you.
5. It's very very important that these four women don't know each other.
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from
time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman whom you can trust and who doesn't lie.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to
be with you.
5. It's very very important that these four women don't know each other.
Monday, February 12, 2007
SHIN WA !
An American guy travels to Japan on business. After 3 days of intense
meetings, he's exhausted. After work he decides to go out and get some
dinner and maybe have a few drinks. Well, after a few beers and some saki,
he's feeling a little horny. He decides to go down the street to a geisha
bar. After a few more drinks he hires one of the women to go back to his
hotel for some action.
They go back, begin to fool around, and eventually end up on the bed. As
they start to have sex, she begins moaning . . . then screaming. As she
catches her breath, she begins shouting, "Shin-Wa ! Shin-Wa !"
The guy doesn't speak any Japanese, but is having the best sex of his life,
and he's pretty proud of himself for giving the Geisha such a great time.
After they're done, he pays her, and she leaves, barely able to walk out of
the room.
The next day, the businessman has to play golf with the CEO of the Japanese
company he had been meeting with. Everything goes great . . . they get to
the 18th hole, and the CEO has a 40 ft. putt to make par, and have the best
round of his life. He takes his time, lines it up, and sinks it!
The American is so thrilled, he decides to impress the CEO with the
Japanese he's learned and starts shouting, "Shin-Wa! Shin-Wa! "
The CEO turns to him and says, "What do you mean, wrong hole?"
meetings, he's exhausted. After work he decides to go out and get some
dinner and maybe have a few drinks. Well, after a few beers and some saki,
he's feeling a little horny. He decides to go down the street to a geisha
bar. After a few more drinks he hires one of the women to go back to his
hotel for some action.
They go back, begin to fool around, and eventually end up on the bed. As
they start to have sex, she begins moaning . . . then screaming. As she
catches her breath, she begins shouting, "Shin-Wa ! Shin-Wa !"
The guy doesn't speak any Japanese, but is having the best sex of his life,
and he's pretty proud of himself for giving the Geisha such a great time.
After they're done, he pays her, and she leaves, barely able to walk out of
the room.
The next day, the businessman has to play golf with the CEO of the Japanese
company he had been meeting with. Everything goes great . . . they get to
the 18th hole, and the CEO has a 40 ft. putt to make par, and have the best
round of his life. He takes his time, lines it up, and sinks it!
The American is so thrilled, he decides to impress the CEO with the
Japanese he's learned and starts shouting, "Shin-Wa! Shin-Wa! "
The CEO turns to him and says, "What do you mean, wrong hole?"
