Friday, November 03, 2006
Chinese Name
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)
==============================
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (Anyone)
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!(Anyone)
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan!(Anyone) It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (Anyone)that our brother Noel Wan (No one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (No one) got injured and now Noel Wan (No one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (Everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (Sorry)
Short Jokes...
(1) DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY
Boy 1 : Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2 : Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked
lady, I'll turn into stone.
A part of me is getting hard already!
(2) NAMES OF WIVES
A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... baby doll
3rd wife.....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol !
(3) HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name
of his country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?"...
(4) RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night
men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas
women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!
(5) ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"
(6) SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and
sometimes you have to be
satisfied with self-service"
(7) HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy and ..
Wife on the cover of "missing persons"
(8) SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
(9) GOOD AMBITION
Teacher : What do you want to become?
Little Johnny : Doctor !!
Teacher : Why?
Little Johnny : Coz its the only profession where u
can tell a woman to take off her
clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
(10) DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll
rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."
(11) VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die wanted her
tombstone to read : BORN A V
Boy 1 : Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2 : Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked
lady, I'll turn into stone.
A part of me is getting hard already!
(2) NAMES OF WIVES
A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... baby doll
3rd wife.....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol !
(3) HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name
of his country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?"...
(4) RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night
men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas
women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!
(5) ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"
(6) SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and
sometimes you have to be
satisfied with self-service"
(7) HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy and ..
Wife on the cover of "missing persons"
(8) SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
(9) GOOD AMBITION
Teacher : What do you want to become?
Little Johnny : Doctor !!
Teacher : Why?
Little Johnny : Coz its the only profession where u
can tell a woman to take off her
clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
(10) DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll
rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."
(11) VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die wanted her
tombstone to read : BORN A V
The Pirate
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened?
You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate. "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that
before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a
cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your
hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got
into a sword fight.My hand was cut off. I got fitted
with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of birds
flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender. " You couldn't
lose an eye just from bird shit."
"It was my first day with the hook."
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened?
You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate. "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that
before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a
cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your
hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got
into a sword fight.My hand was cut off. I got fitted
with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of birds
flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender. " You couldn't
lose an eye just from bird shit."
"It was my first day with the hook."
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
The Gravy Ladle
There's probably no one in the world who knows you more than your parents.
After all, they conceived you and have participated intimately in your growing up years. They've changed your stinky diapers, coaxed you out of your worst tantrums, nursed you back to health from your worst fevers, and watched you slip in and out of embarrassing adolescent phases.
There may be friends and partners who might grow to understand you well, but fathers and mothers have peculiar ways of finding out what you've got up your sleeve. And they don't have to confront you either.
Here's a rather amusing story I found on the Internet?
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate, Julie, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, John
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:
Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom
The lesson of the day: Don't Lie To Your Mother.
After all, they conceived you and have participated intimately in your growing up years. They've changed your stinky diapers, coaxed you out of your worst tantrums, nursed you back to health from your worst fevers, and watched you slip in and out of embarrassing adolescent phases.
There may be friends and partners who might grow to understand you well, but fathers and mothers have peculiar ways of finding out what you've got up your sleeve. And they don't have to confront you either.
Here's a rather amusing story I found on the Internet?
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate, Julie, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, John
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:
Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom
The lesson of the day: Don't Lie To Your Mother.
Great Gift? Read this....
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
"Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna"
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.
By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read,
"Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office.
Sincerely yours
Edna".
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
"Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna"
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.
By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read,
"Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office.
Sincerely yours
Edna".
Good Idea... Hmmm
A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again."Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?" So the woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?"
She thinks a bit "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go to the alley and she takes off... her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting them.
After about 15 minutes the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah," he replies."Costs too much!"
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again."Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?" So the woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?"
She thinks a bit "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go to the alley and she takes off... her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting them.
After about 15 minutes the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah," he replies."Costs too much!"
