Wednesday, December 13, 2006
THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2006:
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter.
[Imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says.
[No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers.
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over.
[What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death.
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant.
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace.
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile.
[You think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.
[Who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.
[They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges.
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge.
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft.
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks.
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead.
